I woke up in the wee hours of the morning today. That old feeling of sinking deep down in an abyss was very vivid. I was so depressed that I decided to ditch office today. Mat's indifference has kept me on toes for the past month or so. I am unable to shake off that gut feeling that something is amiss between us.
I wake up with that feeling every day. Despite my asking several times, he continues to be elusive about it.Since I have no answers, I keep swingng between the possibilities. Maybe he has had it with me, maybe I said or did something; which I didn't, or maybe the distance is intended to keep the flow of emotions in check. Lastly, maybe it is work after all. But the mind refuses to accept the last possibility. I can sense his cold and distant attitude.
I directed my attention to meaningless activities today to keep my mind off Mat. Of course, I was to no
avail at all. It feels like swimming in a whirlpool. I miss him consistently every day! I keep sneaking at
his BBM picture. While at it today, I got his message that he missed me! The moment I read it I started
crying silently. The wretched man doesnt really know how much I miss him. We were both so emotional today and rightly so! He admitted to ignoring me because he was confused and depressed and didnt know where we were headed for but that he missed me too. It was a very taxing conversation; a constant reminder that he is somewhere out there and I am somewhere else; misplaced. He promised me he wont be distant again but he keeps going back and forth on me.I sang him "cuppy cake" on BBM! I was teary. Somehow I feel this phase isn't over. He will continue to be like this. Life can be so unfair, testing and painful!
The worst thing about missing someone is having them right beside you and knowing you can never have them! Regardless, I love and miss him.
I wake up with that feeling every day. Despite my asking several times, he continues to be elusive about it.Since I have no answers, I keep swingng between the possibilities. Maybe he has had it with me, maybe I said or did something; which I didn't, or maybe the distance is intended to keep the flow of emotions in check. Lastly, maybe it is work after all. But the mind refuses to accept the last possibility. I can sense his cold and distant attitude.
I directed my attention to meaningless activities today to keep my mind off Mat. Of course, I was to no
avail at all. It feels like swimming in a whirlpool. I miss him consistently every day! I keep sneaking at
his BBM picture. While at it today, I got his message that he missed me! The moment I read it I started
crying silently. The wretched man doesnt really know how much I miss him. We were both so emotional today and rightly so! He admitted to ignoring me because he was confused and depressed and didnt know where we were headed for but that he missed me too. It was a very taxing conversation; a constant reminder that he is somewhere out there and I am somewhere else; misplaced. He promised me he wont be distant again but he keeps going back and forth on me.I sang him "cuppy cake" on BBM! I was teary. Somehow I feel this phase isn't over. He will continue to be like this. Life can be so unfair, testing and painful!
The worst thing about missing someone is having them right beside you and knowing you can never have them! Regardless, I love and miss him.
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