Mat is overshadowing every thought of mine, like a juicy cloud ready to rain. I'm scared of losing whatever shreds I have of him.He never les out his turmoil of thoughts. I know well enough what that does to a person and the people around. His silence is like a death knell. I missed him so much over the weekend. Even though I had guests over, not once did I allow myself to stop thinking of him.
I had to stop myself many times from messaging him. I secretly waited for my phone to ring and it didnt. My heart sank further.I dont know what he is thinking now. Will I ever talk, see or meet him? His last confession of being in a mindless phase about me has really shaken me up. It was honest, upfront, heartfelt yet painful. It is at such intense moments that I feel so close to him. All my doubts just break free of me. But my fears are strengthening now. Did he tell me all this because he knows what a sucker I am for emotions and I will sweep in; a chance for him to wean me since he can't do it in one clean sweep? or was it genuinely an emotionally fleeting moment where he felt he just had to tell me how he felt?
Thoughts of you, like tiny pearl droplets, strung around my neck, reminding me each time, just how close you stay by. I would often think that loneliness was for fools. How could anyone feel lonely? I didnt know loneliness until I met you and realized I cant have you.
I havent seen him in person or online today. I feel agitated! All I want to do is smoke now!
I'm so scared. Losing someone to a never ending stretch of silence. A silence I cant break for his sake. For if it were on me, I would. But this wall is so strong and invincible. If this stretch lasts too long, it will emphasize the finality of mat's aloof demeanor. Why do I fear that despite his assurance of my being amazing and his loving our togetherness, he secretly wishes that there be distance between us; a distance I will cease to bridge. Because I shall not press myself upon him. I'll choose to writhe everyday, but I won't have the vivacity or guts to break through his silence and when years form upon years, it will be harder still. We will know, we will feel, we will see but we shall not speak of it. The silence will do the talking.
I had to stop myself many times from messaging him. I secretly waited for my phone to ring and it didnt. My heart sank further.I dont know what he is thinking now. Will I ever talk, see or meet him? His last confession of being in a mindless phase about me has really shaken me up. It was honest, upfront, heartfelt yet painful. It is at such intense moments that I feel so close to him. All my doubts just break free of me. But my fears are strengthening now. Did he tell me all this because he knows what a sucker I am for emotions and I will sweep in; a chance for him to wean me since he can't do it in one clean sweep? or was it genuinely an emotionally fleeting moment where he felt he just had to tell me how he felt?
Thoughts of you, like tiny pearl droplets, strung around my neck, reminding me each time, just how close you stay by. I would often think that loneliness was for fools. How could anyone feel lonely? I didnt know loneliness until I met you and realized I cant have you.
I havent seen him in person or online today. I feel agitated! All I want to do is smoke now!
I'm so scared. Losing someone to a never ending stretch of silence. A silence I cant break for his sake. For if it were on me, I would. But this wall is so strong and invincible. If this stretch lasts too long, it will emphasize the finality of mat's aloof demeanor. Why do I fear that despite his assurance of my being amazing and his loving our togetherness, he secretly wishes that there be distance between us; a distance I will cease to bridge. Because I shall not press myself upon him. I'll choose to writhe everyday, but I won't have the vivacity or guts to break through his silence and when years form upon years, it will be harder still. We will know, we will feel, we will see but we shall not speak of it. The silence will do the talking.
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