My spirits are dampening day by day. Mat worries me constantly. Ever since our last meeting he has been lost in another world. We have been speaking on a very limited scale. He has never been so busy as he is these days. He comes in before 11:00 AM and packs up around 2:00 AM . His being busy doesnt bother me, it happens. Its some behavioural changes which are not giving me good vibes.
One word that identifies his conversation with me is burstingly naughty. That is missing. He is limited in his replies and is sending too many smilies. Historically speaking, too many smiles from Mat mean two things; I am BUSY or I am avoiding conversation which is amorous, arousing or contentious. At times like these I feel utterly helpless. I cant squeeze it out of him no matter how hard I try. He never tells me how he feels. I did try some conversation openers with him to confirm my worry. While his replies are not totally deflecting, they are muted and controlled. Which makes my heart sink that something is wrong. This is how he always operates. In my opinion, our last meeting which was frustrating for him, made him realize that maybe limiting arousing conversation is best to avoid frustration. I wish he would at least confide in me if this is how he feels.When he does it alone, he leaves me in the lurch searching for answers without direction. I tried the disappearance act but that did not confirm my fears. He pinged me telling me I didnt even ask him how he was doing in such busy times. He is so stupid! he has no idea that it takes every iota of my energy and willpower in not messaging him first. It is not an ego battle. If it were, I would have been tearless and worry free. It scares me that I will appear too needy, too indulgent and too driven for him. Factually which is true but I do not know if he were to know this outright, how he would he take it. I just dont want him uncomfortable because I constantly worry about driving him away. He is too dear to me. Last night we skyped for a very short while. He was tired and not his usual boisterous self. He did check what I was wearing and how I was sitting but it was very lackluster of him. This is not how he is with me and I miss that version of him. The fears are gnawing at me.
One word that identifies his conversation with me is burstingly naughty. That is missing. He is limited in his replies and is sending too many smilies. Historically speaking, too many smiles from Mat mean two things; I am BUSY or I am avoiding conversation which is amorous, arousing or contentious. At times like these I feel utterly helpless. I cant squeeze it out of him no matter how hard I try. He never tells me how he feels. I did try some conversation openers with him to confirm my worry. While his replies are not totally deflecting, they are muted and controlled. Which makes my heart sink that something is wrong. This is how he always operates. In my opinion, our last meeting which was frustrating for him, made him realize that maybe limiting arousing conversation is best to avoid frustration. I wish he would at least confide in me if this is how he feels.When he does it alone, he leaves me in the lurch searching for answers without direction. I tried the disappearance act but that did not confirm my fears. He pinged me telling me I didnt even ask him how he was doing in such busy times. He is so stupid! he has no idea that it takes every iota of my energy and willpower in not messaging him first. It is not an ego battle. If it were, I would have been tearless and worry free. It scares me that I will appear too needy, too indulgent and too driven for him. Factually which is true but I do not know if he were to know this outright, how he would he take it. I just dont want him uncomfortable because I constantly worry about driving him away. He is too dear to me. Last night we skyped for a very short while. He was tired and not his usual boisterous self. He did check what I was wearing and how I was sitting but it was very lackluster of him. This is not how he is with me and I miss that version of him. The fears are gnawing at me.
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