We talked again

In days of bliss, I and mat would begin talking somewhere between 9:00 to 11:00 am. Each time he messages me i wish that those days would return but deep down I know it is a wish that must remain a wish. So I sent him a bbm joke today after the morning tea ritual. As usual, we talked and talked and talked. I threw jokes endlessly and he was in his usual fits of laughter that I love so much to see and feel. There is something ruggedly handsome, simplistic and infectious about them. His roars of laughter grow on you and envelope you like a tidal wave. One can't get over them, they intrude on you even in the deepest silent moment. He didn't go out for his Friday lunch and had it in the cafe. I sat on my seat the whole day long. He wanted to know when I would have mine? I replied I wasn't hungry. The big question "Why?". The answers to this are wicked and disturbing. Of course I said I didn't feel like it. I haven't felt like it ever since you changed. We talked about going to Brazil and we joked like we always have. All I remember today is that i was ecstatically happy. i think he wanted to see me again today because he asked me when I was leaving. Mat why can't i just see you, hold your hand, dart my eyes from you, share with you like we used to. That old feeling you gave me ravages me every time we talk. Tell me your secret of getting over it. May be if I try hard enough I can be as burden free as you are.