I have been dreading this moment for the past several days. My mum
has been pushing me to call him and take me home. So she asked me to do it again today. While I have taken the past few days to weigh the option of going back, I honestly can't prepare myself. The hatered, animosity adn aversion is consistent as ever if not increasing. I feel a ball being dodged whereever anyone pleases. No matter how much I tell my folks about how I feel, they fail to grant it any importance at all.
Made a change to my recently aquired schedule today. It was out of sheer desire to see mat. So I went down at 4:05 pm @ tea and had a glass of water and read the newspaper. I saw him standing in the basement where he is usually standing, smoking or chatting. I darted my eyes, but the heart has a mind of its own. With a resigned response I saw him and got into the elevator shooting him one last look for today. Why does it feel that every day is the last day I will ever see him and yet there is another day when I see him, hear him or feel him.I read something touching today " you know you miss them, when you re-read their texts and conversations with you over and over again, even when they are not here". Indeed I do mat.
Surprisingly mat came downstairs today for a smoke @ 6:00 pm. I was walking right behind him. He went to thr left side of the entrance to sit down and smoke. I saw him and waved a hello and he waved back. I sat on the entrance stairs waiting for my van mates. We both kept fiddling with our BB. When done he walked past me asking if the van was there yet and I replied weakly that I was waiting.
has been pushing me to call him and take me home. So she asked me to do it again today. While I have taken the past few days to weigh the option of going back, I honestly can't prepare myself. The hatered, animosity adn aversion is consistent as ever if not increasing. I feel a ball being dodged whereever anyone pleases. No matter how much I tell my folks about how I feel, they fail to grant it any importance at all.
Made a change to my recently aquired schedule today. It was out of sheer desire to see mat. So I went down at 4:05 pm @ tea and had a glass of water and read the newspaper. I saw him standing in the basement where he is usually standing, smoking or chatting. I darted my eyes, but the heart has a mind of its own. With a resigned response I saw him and got into the elevator shooting him one last look for today. Why does it feel that every day is the last day I will ever see him and yet there is another day when I see him, hear him or feel him.I read something touching today " you know you miss them, when you re-read their texts and conversations with you over and over again, even when they are not here". Indeed I do mat.
Surprisingly mat came downstairs today for a smoke @ 6:00 pm. I was walking right behind him. He went to thr left side of the entrance to sit down and smoke. I saw him and waved a hello and he waved back. I sat on the entrance stairs waiting for my van mates. We both kept fiddling with our BB. When done he walked past me asking if the van was there yet and I replied weakly that I was waiting.
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