Just a few minutes ago, I was downstairs for tea. Had tea with J when he casually mentioned that Blackberries were being replaced with Iphones! the only thing that came to my mind was Mat and Mat!
There is no way he wont get one. He is one of the most sought after people here. Which means there wont be a BBM! which means I wont be able to talk to him like I do now. An instant gloom came over me like the darkest drearest clouds. A glob of pain that I couldn't swallow. So I came up and leaned on a cigarette! and then my friend S messaged me that Mat was leaving for USA. Someone had told her. She then asked me the question I have always dreaded " Do you love him?" and tears rolled down my eyes as I silently acknowledged in my heart that I did. Of course, I didn't tell her for Mat's sake. He doesn't need this at this stage. People whispering and talking. My hair was all tied up so I opened them to cover my pale tear stained face lest anyone saw. How badly it hurts to know that he will be leaving, there will be no BBM talking, no seeing him, no smelling him! just this past Friday as I stood by my room's door, I saw someone close to the speed gates. For a second I froze because I thought it was Mat. When I knocked myself out of that trance it was just someone who for a second I thought was Mat. The limitless power of the heart and mind to make us see what we want to see. Of course it can never be him! He is far far beyond and unreachable in heart body and soul. It continues to hurt more each day. Every lousy day and every lousy night! when the voids are filled with our conversations, its only then that I find some timely solace and when he is gone...the pain is back and so are the limitless wishes of a lonely heart that flutters for him.
There is no way he wont get one. He is one of the most sought after people here. Which means there wont be a BBM! which means I wont be able to talk to him like I do now. An instant gloom came over me like the darkest drearest clouds. A glob of pain that I couldn't swallow. So I came up and leaned on a cigarette! and then my friend S messaged me that Mat was leaving for USA. Someone had told her. She then asked me the question I have always dreaded " Do you love him?" and tears rolled down my eyes as I silently acknowledged in my heart that I did. Of course, I didn't tell her for Mat's sake. He doesn't need this at this stage. People whispering and talking. My hair was all tied up so I opened them to cover my pale tear stained face lest anyone saw. How badly it hurts to know that he will be leaving, there will be no BBM talking, no seeing him, no smelling him! just this past Friday as I stood by my room's door, I saw someone close to the speed gates. For a second I froze because I thought it was Mat. When I knocked myself out of that trance it was just someone who for a second I thought was Mat. The limitless power of the heart and mind to make us see what we want to see. Of course it can never be him! He is far far beyond and unreachable in heart body and soul. It continues to hurt more each day. Every lousy day and every lousy night! when the voids are filled with our conversations, its only then that I find some timely solace and when he is gone...the pain is back and so are the limitless wishes of a lonely heart that flutters for him.
No comments:
Post a Comment