Mat and I were supposed to meet today. I was very happy and excited about the chance to see him. Who knew he would ditch me the 7th time. I left for F-6 around 6:30 since he was to pick me around 8:00 PM. I wandered for sometime until I settled for reading a Nancy Drew book at a book store. I spent a good about half an hour there. Then I left off to buy a data cable and stayed there browsing through DVDs. I pinged him at around a little before 8:00 PM. I waited and waited and waited but received no reply.
I was extremely agitated by 8:30 PM and headed out. I hailed a cab and was home by 8:45ish when he cared to receive all my hurried messages and said he was leaving then. 8:45 PM!! that was 45 min overdue without updating me on the ongoing activities. I was so hurt and angry. I had been waiting all along, alone on a humid fall night in the super market excited. For 30 min I was hanging in uncertainity not knowing what was going to happen. I came home around 8:45 PM and all the empty sorries and sad faces couldn't make an iota of a difference. All th way back I kept crying at my foolishness of having waited in useless anticipation while he was least preturbed. I wonder why can't I be the same person? Why do I have to care about every miniscule detail. I know better that I can't be this person ever.
The casualness of his attitude hurt me immensly "Sorry I was on a call!". I feel that I nagged him so much to see me that he was left choiceless. My worth is that of a forced obligation you fullfill when you are left to no avail and are cornered from all sides. They say actions speak louder than words. He doesn't need to say it but he shows it well...the insignificance of me.
Getting ready to live the miserable days ahead.
I was extremely agitated by 8:30 PM and headed out. I hailed a cab and was home by 8:45ish when he cared to receive all my hurried messages and said he was leaving then. 8:45 PM!! that was 45 min overdue without updating me on the ongoing activities. I was so hurt and angry. I had been waiting all along, alone on a humid fall night in the super market excited. For 30 min I was hanging in uncertainity not knowing what was going to happen. I came home around 8:45 PM and all the empty sorries and sad faces couldn't make an iota of a difference. All th way back I kept crying at my foolishness of having waited in useless anticipation while he was least preturbed. I wonder why can't I be the same person? Why do I have to care about every miniscule detail. I know better that I can't be this person ever.
The casualness of his attitude hurt me immensly "Sorry I was on a call!". I feel that I nagged him so much to see me that he was left choiceless. My worth is that of a forced obligation you fullfill when you are left to no avail and are cornered from all sides. They say actions speak louder than words. He doesn't need to say it but he shows it well...the insignificance of me.
Getting ready to live the miserable days ahead.
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