Flustered

I am extremely edgy today. After mat stood me up on Sat, I was hoping he would at least tell me what happened. My hands were tied so I couldn't ask him myself. I was flustered throughout Sunday. Today was a gloomy beginning. He didn't bother which angered and saddened me even more. So I compromised a little self respect and inquired myself. As expected, a little insensitivity laden with a few fancy words of apology. We women are such needy little whimps! We melt at a few soft words. Birds of easy prey and disposable. Yes I am upset that we never got to meet but what makes me angrier is the lack of recognition. I kept waiting for a conclusive decision and there was none that day or the day following that and the day after. To top it all, mat felt so regular and usual in his demeanor when I minced my words of complaint. I didn't work at all today. I feel teary and extremely flustered, part of it comes from what happened on the weekend and the rest can be attributed to the ever going frustrations of my whirlwind life. I did tell mat how I felt but I curbed the intense urge to tell him why I felt as I did. I can't compromise my self respect infront of someone who needs to be asked and told. It feels too degrading and I dont want to scare him off. Being scared off is the easiest feeling. It is better to mask my feelings in undeniability and randomness.