It seems to me that with every meeting with Mat, I steal some more happiness from life, which is not to last forever. It is borrowed on a heavy payback lease. The thought of losing this makes me think that I am amassing more pain which I am yet to face head on. I miss him simply for the fact that I am afraid to miss him more than I already do. Each passing day brings me closer to loving him and pushes me to an edge where I will fall in an abyss. Where will he be then? Where will I be? It is then that Mat shall be my irreversible regret, my unspeakable truth, my unreachable dream and my most aching wish.
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