You got back home yesterday, after a long time. It seems like a lifetime to me.I have been waiting avidly to catch a glimpse of you.While I told myself that you must be busy, I was hoping that you would message me today...you didn't. My heart has been sinking ever since. While I am spiralling out emotionally, I am trying to hide but it isn't helping at all. When you asked me whether I was ok, I was outright lieing. I can't help thinking that you are trying to create this distance between us and it is weighing very heavily on me. You feel so alien to me and every now and then it brings familiar tears to my eyes. I need to make a confession today. I have always known that I can not be with you in those ideal terms as one would dare to dream. However, whatever bits I have of you, I value them so much. If I could have a guarantee that I could have them forever, I would cherish them like a divine blessing. I would consider myself, unusually fortunate. I know this sounds desperate, but sometimes truth is very desperate. I can punish myself for feeling this way, but I can't take away this feeling. If I look at another man, It will be with glassy eyes, where the shadows of my past will be very apparent. My fears are greater than my dreams. Lend me my dream for a little while. I promise to return it soon and let the fear settle back in. My pursuit of happiness seems like an endless road. I only deserve to be your spare fantasy. Come back for I miss you Tiger.
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