We havent exchanged a word today. It feels like I am being weaned. I waited for the blarring ring of my phone this morning-deafening silence. He was comparitively more active on Whatsapp today but not with me. By the time evening fell, my heart was sinking. While I worked aivdly on PS tickets, the most dedicated part of me was busy thinking of him. Until, I broke down on my seat, stiffling my tears. The infamous feeling of losing someone, much discussed and wriiten about stood in my face, daunting and abysmal.I ran helter skelter, burrying myself in work. No matter what I do, where I go, this misery hangs heavy on me. I do not know how the day and night melt into each other these days.But every moment is a rude awakening that he is far far away; unapproachable, cold. Everything about your decision is untenable. To have it effect me emotionally is consequential but to have it trickle down physically is sheer annhiliation.We cannot help loving the people we love. We dont need to, we shouldn't have to especially if the odds strike at their worst and yet...here I am unpreturbed...loving you still."...my life as it is cant take you now". My life as it is is trudging without you. The worst of defeats is when you lose someone to their own abysmal self.
